I swear I’m ready to let this go

 

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“I swear I’m ready to let this go,” (by the old gods and the new, LOL)

I had repeated this several times in my head the last few weeks that I was here. So when it was time to leave, I did as quickly as I can.

“Nah! No time for tears, I’ll be back anyway” (for exit interview. LOL) But as I was moving on, I find myself looking back. This is a great place I am deserting, I am happy here.

“But it’s time to fly.”

I went back as I must. It was the same place as I left it, same vibe, same scent, the familiarity haunted me. But one thing was different.

“I do not belong here anymore..”

I couldn’t fight back my tears. For the first time in a long while, I felt alone beyond solace. I didn’t understand why it felt as if a part of me was disintegrated.

“Perhaps it was the comfort, the warmth of what is known and secure that I was uncomfortable letting go.”

It felt as though there were little fragments that was a part of me for while, left me. I went for a walk, the long waiting hours served it’s purpose. Then suddenly, an epiphany. It was as though an angel whispered a reassurance from where it’s from or fairy  sprinkled some pixie dust.

“For whatever made me feel a little broken at that moment, built me. It strengthened my wings and renewed my spirit.”

Yes. I swear I am NOW ready to let this go,” (by the old gods and the new, hihi)

-The Soliloquist

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Shattered Places

At some point of our lives, we experience a kind of terror unimaginable. A loss of a loved one, a calamity, an accident, a heart break, a volcanic eruption. It will not make sense at that moment. Your mind will be too forlorn to process any other emotions. There will be too many questions but not a single answer.

Dear, always remember that everytime you fall on your knees, you can always look up and pray. Or you don’t even have to look up at all. You don’t have to get up so quickly. You don’t have to unfeel the pain. You don’t have to stop the tears. You don’t have to be okay when it’s not okay. But you will have to believe in tomorrows. The way you trust the sun every morning. The way you know that even if the rainclouds are heavy, the stars do exist. You will get up. You will be surprised how unparalleled beauty can spring in places that once was shattered. How He does not take without replacing it with something far more beautiful.

-The Soliloquist

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April 27, 2016
Sunken Cemetery, Camiguin Island. Philippines

Once Upon a Time, I Lived Happily Ever After

As a kid,
I believed in fairytales.
In Once Upon a Times
and Happily Ever Afters.

But after I got my knees bruised
And overcome puberty blues
I learned you can’t make good poetry
Without getting your heart abused.

(LOL! Bad poetry. Bad poetry. No wait, this isn’t even poetry. Just finish it, so you can shut it up. 😂😂😂)

But then I grew up,
So it’s Once upon a time,
I handed my heart over
To several wrong people
And that is okay
Because Once upon a time
I learned, I loved, I gave it my all
I fall, I failed, I was on my knees
But it wasn’t the end I know
I cried, I prayed, I still believed
That magic happens, unexpectedly
I got up, I continued despite,
I smiled, I tried
And licked my wounds in silence
I made a note to self
That if Once upon a time,
Handing your heart over
Doesn’t make feel like a princess
That is okay
He may not be your prince yet
And it matters less if he ever come along or find you first or find you at all
Because it is when you know your worth and love yourself first,
That you’d live happily ever after.

-The Soliloquist

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Universal Studios Singapore

November 2015