I swear I’m ready to let this go



“I swear I’m ready to let this go,” (by the old gods and the new, LOL)

I had repeated this several times in my head the last few weeks that I was here. So when it was time to leave, I did as quickly as I can.

“Nah! No time for tears, I’ll be back anyway” (for exit interview. LOL) But as I was moving on, I find myself looking back. This is a great place I am deserting, I am happy here.

“But it’s time to fly.”

I went back as I must. It was the same place as I left it, same vibe, same scent, the familiarity haunted me. But one thing was different.

“I do not belong here anymore..”

I couldn’t fight back my tears. For the first time in a long while, I felt alone beyond solace. I didn’t understand why it felt as if a part of me was disintegrated.

“Perhaps it was the comfort, the warmth of what is known and secure that I was uncomfortable letting go.”

It felt as though there were little fragments that was a part of me for while, left me. I went for a walk, the long waiting hours served it’s purpose. Then suddenly, an epiphany. It was as though an angel whispered a reassurance from where it’s from or fairy  sprinkled some pixie dust.

“For whatever made me feel a little broken at that moment, built me. It strengthened my wings and renewed my spirit.”

Yes. I swear I am NOW ready to let this go,” (by the old gods and the new, hihi)

-The Soliloquist




Behind the Poem: Happiness is A Choice

What inspired me to write this poem (Happiness is a Choice)
Is a guy who made my heart ecstatic.
He made me really happy. He said I deserve to be.
He is so good to be true. At times I thought I didn’t deserve him.

But JC sent me someone to remind me that,
“Ask and you shall receive”.
A friend told me that “we decide for what we deserve.”
And that “JC is ready to give us life’s greatest treasures when we’re ready”

But that isn’t the only case.

The situation is difficult, like close to “impossible”.
And it hurts. That at some point I wanted to just give it up.
Let it go, watch it fly, because it aches to fool oneself.
To be lost in a daydream. To live in a fantasy.

I have told myself that this is temporary happiness
and I should wake up from this dreaming.
Because pursuing this is like travelling a road that I know is a dead end.
But I didn’t. Because I just CAN’T.

I want it. No matter how difficult or crazy it may seem.
I desire it. So I decided, I am not giving “us” up without a goddamn fight.
HAHA! And if worse gets worst, well. This gotta be WAR. Rawr!

To mister prince charming, tattoo this in your heart and mind:
We both know this. “Things are crazy.” But jeez, love is madness!
And it’s DIFFICULT. But we don’t need easy remember?
We only need POSSIBLE.

-The Soliloquist

Photo from http://prettything.net
Photo from http://prettything.net