I swear I’m ready to let this go

 

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“I swear I’m ready to let this go,” (by the old gods and the new, LOL)

I had repeated this several times in my head the last few weeks that I was here. So when it was time to leave, I did as quickly as I can.

“Nah! No time for tears, I’ll be back anyway” (for exit interview. LOL) But as I was moving on, I find myself looking back. This is a great place I am deserting, I am happy here.

“But it’s time to fly.”

I went back as I must. It was the same place as I left it, same vibe, same scent, the familiarity haunted me. But one thing was different.

“I do not belong here anymore..”

I couldn’t fight back my tears. For the first time in a long while, I felt alone beyond solace. I didn’t understand why it felt as if a part of me was disintegrated.

“Perhaps it was the comfort, the warmth of what is known and secure that I was uncomfortable letting go.”

It felt as though there were little fragments that was a part of me for while, left me. I went for a walk, the long waiting hours served it’s purpose. Then suddenly, an epiphany. It was as though an angel whispered a reassurance from where it’s from or fairy  sprinkled some pixie dust.

“For whatever made me feel a little broken at that moment, built me. It strengthened my wings and renewed my spirit.”

Yes. I swear I am NOW ready to let this go,” (by the old gods and the new, hihi)

-The Soliloquist

2/2

 

Worth the While

This walk is like a journey to the uncertain.
We never know whats going to happen next.
In fact, no one does.

Like all walks in life,
It’s not who comes first or last,
It’s not how long it takes,
Or how far it may be.

For at the end of all these,
It’s not the end that we’ll remember most.
The memories will mostly be about the journey.
Of how it started and progress..
Of how we get there..
Of happy we have been along the way..
Of how we endure the hurt..
Of how challenges were surpassed with smiles..
Of how love conquered it all.

We all work to get there.
But it’s journey over destination.
Sharing each others company is this adventure’s cherry on top.

With you, 
The worst days isn’t so bad.
The best scenery is nothing compared to your eyes
The walk will always be worth the while.

__________________________________________________

“Until the no’s becomes yes’, let’s continue celebrating the possibility of a maybe.”

-The Soliloquist

Empty Chair

“The sight of seeing him leave was so dreadful that I couldn’t fight back my tears.

Little did I know that it’s
his empty chair,
his coffee mug,
his sweater, and
every song he used to play
that’ll haunt me everyday.

That the sting of seeing him walk away was no match to the pain his lovely memories never allowed me to forget.”

-The Soliloquist

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Shattered Places

At some point of our lives, we experience a kind of terror unimaginable. A loss of a loved one, a calamity, an accident, a heart break, a volcanic eruption. It will not make sense at that moment. Your mind will be too forlorn to process any other emotions. There will be too many questions but not a single answer.

Dear, always remember that everytime you fall on your knees, you can always look up and pray. Or you don’t even have to look up at all. You don’t have to get up so quickly. You don’t have to unfeel the pain. You don’t have to stop the tears. You don’t have to be okay when it’s not okay. But you will have to believe in tomorrows. The way you trust the sun every morning. The way you know that even if the rainclouds are heavy, the stars do exist. You will get up. You will be surprised how unparalleled beauty can spring in places that once was shattered. How He does not take without replacing it with something far more beautiful.

-The Soliloquist

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April 27, 2016
Sunken Cemetery, Camiguin Island. Philippines

Once Upon a Time, I Lived Happily Ever After

As a kid,
I believed in fairytales.
In Once Upon a Times
and Happily Ever Afters.

But after I got my knees bruised
And overcome puberty blues
I learned you can’t make good poetry
Without getting your heart abused.

(LOL! Bad poetry. Bad poetry. No wait, this isn’t even poetry. Just finish it, so you can shut it up. 😂😂😂)

But then I grew up,
So it’s Once upon a time,
I handed my heart over
To several wrong people
And that is okay
Because Once upon a time
I learned, I loved, I gave it my all
I fall, I failed, I was on my knees
But it wasn’t the end I know
I cried, I prayed, I still believed
That magic happens, unexpectedly
I got up, I continued despite,
I smiled, I tried
And licked my wounds in silence
I made a note to self
That if Once upon a time,
Handing your heart over
Doesn’t make feel like a princess
That is okay
He may not be your prince yet
And it matters less if he ever come along or find you first or find you at all
Because it is when you know your worth and love yourself first,
That you’d live happily ever after.

-The Soliloquist

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Universal Studios Singapore

November 2015

Short Hair Who Cares

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Achievement Unlocked: SHORT HAIR

Arayty! Another item ticked off my Bucket List. God knows how much I’ve gathered courage to finally do this. I have been thinking about this for years, yes I am serious. I’m chickenshit when it comes to hair stuff, I’ve only tried medicine on my hair once, December 2013. Well that got my hair really brittle and damaged. One of the reasons I had convinced myself to cut it short. (Byebye, hairgoals! See you 3 years from now.)

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Broken hearted? Hell no. Why will I cut my hair for some guy who cares less about what I do? I mean, ladies cutting your hair means change yes, but it’s futile when it’s against your desire. Well, maybe I cut it off for some guy. Like if it turns out good on me, then that’ll make him like me more. And if it doesn’t, at least I’d know if he’d still like me even if I’m not my usual pretty self. Hahaha! Kidding aside, I did it for me. Not necessarily for a change but perhaps to mark that yeah I’m ready to turn my life around. Pre-quarter life thoughts maybe? But did I tell you, I really like it at the moment I honestly don’t care how others see it. I’ll flaunt it anyway I like. Hahaha! Bitch mode.

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And it’s crazy how much I’ve waited to finally do this. I had crazy self talks like, “C’mon darling, cut the damn thing short. If it doesn’t look okay, it’ll grow anyway. At least it’ll REMIND YOU THAT LIFE IS SHORT. (Like your hair, hahahahaha!) And when it grows beautifully, it’ll SHOW YOU  HOW GREAT THINGS TAKES TIME.”

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Gathered that courage for years, that self talk course that didn’t work until this month. My mom had

already

agreed to the notion. She debated and hated the idea years back. I asked her why she finally gave in to it, she said she’s tired of arguing with me. Wow. She gets tired at that? Convince me. And I had asked my friends opinion about it too, some are very encouraging and thank you guys for that. And forgive the blabber. Hahahaha! Love y’all!

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(With Mum and Sissy)

P.S. So. for ladies out there who are having second thoughts.. You’ll never know until you try. It’s worth it the experience, love. Go girl!

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(I woke up like this. Hahahahha)

#brave #shorthairwhocares #singoals #sosillyloquy #hairtalk #selftalk #blabber #achievementunlocked #davids #rant #happy #asian #asiangirl #hair #haircut #bob #short #shorthair #braveheart #girlstuff #girltalk

How To Find One True Love: A Book Review

Definitely glad someone shared to me this book by Bo Sanchez . The humor and truthfulness of this book made me hungry of what the next concept entails. Novels made me fall in love, cry and nervous. This book made me laugh out loud like crazy yet it gave me so much wisdom on how to find a good mate. Reading this book made me realize so many things, about myself, my preferences and what I ought to be. Not that I didn’t know how to be me, it just made me realize how essential it is to be your best self.

There are a lot of things in this book that I agree on and made me feel that my beliefs and thoughts are correct. Among others are not believing and asking for silly external signs and not falling for not well-thought romantic letters that includes mushy lines such as “you are my other half”, or “you complete me.” Urgh. I will admit, I am a hopeless romantic. I love to say I love you and I am happy I have you in my life but I would not want to hear someone say they are incomplete without me. More of these thoughts on my other post entitled “You Complete Me” and “Give Me A Sign: If stars twinkle tonight, I will marry you.”

There are also a lot of concepts in this book that made me stop, think and re-read. Shocking notions that made me say, “Damn. This is me” and on countless times nod and declare “I should do this.”

It is a funny, direct and short that it would not require a bookworm to finish this book. The words Bo used in this book are simple and understandable. It is good for singles for all ages, either ready for a new relationship or not yet. This is also good for couples in romantic relationships who are open-minded. People who are lost in the trance of magic love spells might not be able to grasp the idea behind this book. Married individuals might also find this useful. Especially those individuals those strive to improve their relationships and selves.

As simple as the concepts presented in this book may have seemed, it is not that easy to follow it as well. It takes a lot of adjustment, like being attractive when you are not just used of dressing up or wearing make up or perhaps going out on dates or talking to new people. It is always easier to know than to do. Anyway, anything worthwhile is never easy. We are talking about Finding One True Love.

I quote some of my favorite lines from this book.

“True love begins the moment we fall out of love.”

“People don’t get what they deserve. People get what they think they deserve.”

(Saw this draft from June 2013, and I’m posting in anyway. Will be posting old unpublished works soon and hoping to finish new pieces. Thanks for dropping by.)

-The Soliloquist

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Window Pane

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Dear, let me tell you..

That life is gonna knock you down real hard. Doors will be shut in your face and it’s gonna hurt you more than it should. You will keep banging that door. Until you realize it will lead you nowhere anymore. And then you’ll turned around, eventually your eyes will ran out of tears and that’s when you can see thru the window. It is definitely more than just a window pane. You’ll see life is beautiful even when shit happens. And that.. There is more to life than closed doors.

-The Soliloquist

-The Soliloquist

Say “Thank You”

Say “thank you..”

For the mornings that are reminders of a chance for new beginnings, that change is directly proportional to progress, that there are pending risks worth taking, that love unexpressed can be shown today.

Thank yourself..

For being awesome up to this day, for standing up for what you believe in, for forgiving, for loving unconditionally. Thank yourself for being wrong, now you know how to make things right. Thank yourself for all the failures, that only means you are brave enough to try. Thank yourself for being you, no one else can do it better. Thank, you.

Thank God..

For the nth time, do so. For the plans He has for you is better than what you have for yourself. For sending the sun his way. For the courage to welcome change. For everyone who loves you, who believes in you and encourages and inspires you to be the best of yourself. For the chance to show them how you love them back. And for the mornings.. That are reminders of a chance for new beginnings.

-The Soliloquist

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