I had denied it for weeks. At days that it crossed my mind, I forced the thought away. Perhaps, I wasn’t ready yet. I wasn’t ready to lose you. As overly dramatic as it may sound, no one can change the fact that you are leaving. Maybe you can, but would you?
You had talked about resigning several months back, when you got seriously ill with dandy fever. I felt sorry for you that time, struggling with body malaise, loss of appetite and much of the emotional turmoil that one would normally feel given your situation. I felt bad about myself not being able to take care of you that time. One thing I am sorry about. I’m sorry, I should have been there more often than a visit.
Everytime you go home or call in sick, your absence in the office is felt. I don’t usually send SMS to people first but if you would remember me sending random “I miss you” and “when will you be back” brief messages then you know now that you will be missed.
A month ago, you told me you were resigning. Sensing the finality of your decision, I asked “why” though I already know the answer. Guess it helped me. I succeeded at fighting the urge of stopping you. It wouldn’t have made any difference. “At least I tried” wouldn’t even be worth the try, because there isn’t any chance of winning. No chance of making you stay.
Stop you? Silly thought. How could I, when I know I’d be doing the same if I were you. How could I, when even I feel sad about you leaving, I couldn’t deny that I am truly happy for you. You wouldn’t make a big decision like that without thinking about it the hundredth time. You wouldn’t be this excited about it if it won’t make you the truly happy. You wouldn’t let go of something great like this TWCBC family- the coolest supervisors, the wackiest teammates, the stress-reduced, cozy feel, light scope of support (not to mention I don’t have a point of comparison, LOL) , if not for something greater. Yep, biological family, not everyone is gifted with a great one. So we should take care of ours the best way possible.
I understand how you feel about missing your family. I know because I couldn’t imagine leaving mine for that long, that far. Everytime you go home or talk about Aianah and you sisters, I can sense how much you wanted to live with them for good. No more count down as to your next visit home, no more plane ticket booking and wish I never had to leave airport dilemmas. Hearing about your plans, especially that you never fail at sounding extremely giddy about it, makes me very excited for you too. I am thrilled as you are about to begin a new chapter of your life’s story as this current one is inevitably ending. Hello to a whole new world of writing, entrepreneurship, baking and undying k-pop fandoms.
Goodbye to avaya phones, graveyard shift, thank you for calling spiel, routinary lifestyle, irate and flirtatious callers, potential relationships, end of shift “wambats”, team building escapades. I think what you will miss most are the ordinary things. All the between call chatters, team lunches, wifi leeching at krispy creme, countdown to clock out time, holiday avail, mute button moments, forgot the mute button moments, hold the cx I can’t hold it anymore urinary urgencies, off the phone coaching and recursive, wrongly delivered spiels, mispronounced verbiage, kpop tools, unending fantasies, shut-up-I’m pissed left the chat/left the room dramas, breakfast dates, singing our hearts out till our lungs burst karaoke times. The initials not everyone could relate to -RTWs, QC, AHT, AR, QPB (can mean 2 things but both would make you sigh a good sigh.) The question that doesn’t start with a “W” you can’t survive a 9-hour shift without asking, “avail?”.
As you are counting the days till you will finally get to be where your heart desires most, enjoy while it last. Guess we have reached the part where I’d have to say thank you- the main reason why I had taken time writing this. I wanted you to remember the great things you had the past years even before we met. So you may cherish the “now” that you have. Remember how beautiful you turned out to be with all the challenges you surpassed. Then one day, you’d look back, maybe read this again and recall that once upon a time, we met and you made an impact at Joyee and each and everyone of us forever.
I thank God for the opportunity of knowing you. Such a wonderful woman who is passionate about the things that she wants. The best thing about you is that you are true to yourself. You acknowledge your emotions despite what others may think of you. That is courageous. You are one of the strongest woman I know. You had lived by yourself. It wasn’t easy but you amazingly gone through all that. That is an item in my bucket list I never know if I’d ever fulfill. You are an inspiration. You are one of those people I looked up to back in training. At the back of my mind I used to say “she sound so well when she converse, it’s almost like it’s rehearsed.” Then I had hoped someday I’d be the same. Guess practice makes stubborn tongues tame. I will be looking forward to your compositions. I’d be waiting for that day when I will get the chance to taste your pastries. I’ll be liking your photo once you visit Seoul and comment “Finally. You get to kiss the land of your dreams. LOL.” No note about lovelife. Gaah! Fine. Just for the sake of it- when you are happy and you know it, just clap your hands. LOL.
I love you JAM!
Journey to a new path her heart burns with passion
As she creatively write about Chanyeol and Baekhyun
May your wildest dreams come true in Seoul
Baby girl, Van and Oppa will miss you most of all
Loquacious in nature, this girl’s tongue is on fire
A few more days and she’ll be where her heart desires
Now and till we meet again, promise me you’d be happy
Chai, when the man comes who’d love you only
Alert me and Van thru an SMS or PM us in FB
For GenSan, we will fly for a wedding in cloud 9
Luhan will take care of you just fine
Oh Em Gee, I’m contaminated with jam-flu
Reckless dreamer, you’re in our hearts just like a tattoo